Dog and Chicken Bones Don't Mix

Ah vacation, I had the afternoon off from work and was going to work on a new kind of fried food at home. So caught up in cooking thoughts was I that I didn't notice my boy on the couch or the issue. Pretty soon I heard the old familiar "Daaad". I see Gunnar stretched out on the love seat with his reading glasses on, engrossed in his reading. While still reading he stretches out his arm and points to the floor. Ya so what, a dark towel on the floor or wait.... Its black diarrhea from the dog in a 3' diameter pile. His response to my WTF" was "oh and there is some more on the stairs and by the downstairs." The stench was over whelming so I still can't figure out how he could nonchalantly be sitting 3 feet from rotten, bloody gastric diarrhea without the dry heaves.

Somehow it seems all my adventures that start in a cooking bliss end up either in diarrhea or vomit. Now who would like some fried chili sticks? Sigh

Gunnar steals home and more

Gunnar was catching in the McPherson tournament against the Salina Irish. After a few catches I hear the familiar "Daaad" He calls me over to the fence as he mentions something about bathroom. Apparently the coaches wife overheard and seeing the squirming tells coach that Gunnar has to go. Coach asks Gunnar for everyone to hear. Gunnar squatted down warming up the pitcher quickly silence the bathroom comments with a quick wave of the hand. 10min later we are out of the inning but darn, Gunnar is on deck. Soon enough he is at the plate. First pitch low and outside but Gunnar takes aim and puts to right field for a easy single. First pitch on the next batter Gunnar is off on a steal to second with or without the coache's steal sign. Close call "Slide Gunnar Slide Gunnar" Now when he gets up there is a question of the stain on his behind side, whew, just dirt. Next batter first pitch Gunnar has stolen 3rd. Next batter Gunnar has to wait for 4 pitches before there is a passed ball to the backstop. Gunnar takes off toward home on a mission to steal home. No slowing down as he hits his peak speed crossing the plate as he heads toward the gate. With out breaking stride he swings open the gate then quickly rounds the fan stand, "Run Forest Run, er Gunnar run. He streaks off toward the restroom leaving fans in awe of the unusual steal home play.

Apparently diarrhea and catching did not go well together but all ended well as that could have been another story.

Vita Mix Demo

We added to our armada of kitchen gadgets the Vita-Mix 5000. This baby has 10x the power of an ordinary blender with a top speed of 200mph. Now my son which I wont mention which one, Joe, decided he could use it without reading those silly instructions. I watched in horror as he flipped the switch from 0 to 200mph with out going through the gears. A quick grinding of gears and it was up to full speed. To have easier access with his food plunger he bypassed the safety top. At top speed the blades starting tearing into my plastic plunger along with an explosion of liquid that erupted out of the top. Not sure which was more spectacular watching the food eruption in my kitchen or watching Mt. St. Helen's on TV. Thinking he had done something wrong, he quickly turned it off and with a shrug of the shoulders tried it again for a second eruption. My screams of Nooooo! where unheeded as he was on a mission to do this thing himself. Kids, sigh.

Kids and sleep don't mix

Reason 509 why I didn't get my 6hrs of sleep
12:30am just settled under the covers with fans a blowing and noise maker a noising when the door flies open and lights come blaring on. 13yr old Molly makes the announcement that she would like a P&J before she can go back to sleep. Doing the math I figured it was quicker to just do it than be harassed for the next 2 hrs. Back in bed I starting to dose off when I hear screaming that someone needs to turn off her bedroom light.

5:30am while on her way to work, wife wakes me up to ask what all the commotion was. 6:00am o'clock 10 Year old Gunnar jumps into bed followed soon by Joe the 20 year old.

I believe the key to getting sleep is not having kids or being dead. Sigh

Balloon vs. Fan

Not sure if I can ever get the real story. All I know is when I get home my expensive lifetime warranty ceiling fan is half fallen apart only attached by wires. All I got was there was a balloon floating around, lots of pop pop then bad smells, loud noises emanating from the fan then silence.

Obvious question I asked was why we didn’t turn off the fan. Answer given was “What? And miss the balloon vs. fan show?” I guess I should be thankful it wasn’t lit match vs. house. Sigh

That's not Downy freshness I smell

Being one that wants to be green I use a bath towel at least 3 times to dry off before sending it to the hamper. With long term memory fading in my old age I keep my towels under my pillow and hanging down the edge of my side of the bed for easy access. That way it’s easy to find and use apparently by me and others.

I was tired and not really in tune with odors as I was toweling off but finally I could no longer ignore the strange odor which seemed to be coming from the towel. After a good old nose sniff there was no doubt that the towel that I was using had been used to soak up dog urine.

I asked the wife the next morning what the though process was, answer “ya, don’t use that towel it’s dirty.” No kidding, sigh.

Flush or not to Flush

You would think I would learn by now. Son plugs the stool with a large deposit. A quick flush does nothing but fill up the bowl. Now the power plunger is on the other side of the house in the cold garage and its bed time. Since it would require 2 flushes to cause alarm what are my chances this project can't want until morning? Surely my wife would understand the physics of a brim filled toilet. 2:30am wife wakes me to take the dogs out. As I am im standing in my yard, I think about the previous question but go back to bed. 4:30am wife informs me the toilet is clogged. I instruct her under penalty of death do NOT flush the toilet and rolled over on to my side with a side thought of "Maybe this is my second chance to go fix the toilet, nah" 5:30am panic scream of "its going to over flow" I jumped out running to the bathroom only to see a toilet resembling a chocolate fountain. The brown sewage is now lapping at the hallway carpet. I scream "need more towels" Quick and fading responses was "Gotta go, going to be late to work". After sopping up 10 towels did things start to look better. As I was finishing up around the baseboard, I kept reflecting on the original question I had 6hrs earlier and why oh why did I think it would have ended any other way.

To answer why the flushing after I said no. Wife's answer "I just thought maybe I would get lucky on the 2nd flush and it would all go away." In a certain sense it did all go away after that flush, sigh.