Why Bother?

So I am feverishly trying to get my new yard in the front of the house done as I am days away from it being too late in the season to plant. It had to be done today before it rains. I probably spent 3 hours hauling in the dirt and meticulous smoothing and leveling it out the evening before. I had to use a long 2x4 and level but I finally got the slope I needed. I did tell my wife that the dogs could not be let out in front. Translation for my wife must have been, let the dogs out front to dig around in the dirt. When I was leaving for work the next morning my yard looked liked the landscape of WWII shelling with bomb craters everywhere. Too late to fix as it is starting to rain now, maybe next year. Sigh

Lets have a Family meal.

Alright so my wife wants to have a family meal like the Waltons with all six of us at the same time in close proximity of each other eating. Sounds good on paper so I set it up for Sunday night. Were having pot roast, potatoes, carrots, gravy. Other than the occasional flinging of bread at each other things were going pretty well until. My daughter mouths off about my wife sneaking out on the deck. We all know what that meant, wife was sneaking a cig. and nobody is suppose to know about it. Wife retorts back with a quick "shut up" with a response from my 7yr old daughter, mom you smoke. Little 5 year old boy asks if mommy is now going to die? Mom's blood pressure is starting to raise as she quickly denies she smokes. Dad, that's me, then asks, "is mommy a smoker?" Kids all respond with "oooouuu, mommy's a smoker" At this point mommy was frantically screaming shut up, shut up with the 17yr daughter laughing harder and harder on every shut up. Then I screwed up, I laughed also at the mommy show. Mom starting heading for what I guessed as a water glass so I started chanting we love mommy, we love mommy but too late. Water was destined to be showered on me. Unfortunately it also landed on my 5yr old son next to me who got upset. Mom went over to comfort him as he started turning on me since I think he thought I did the water show. I quickly told him mom threw the water. Fire entered his eyes as he quickly filled both of his hands with mommy's breasts and squeezed as hard as he could. Did I mention she had a biopts on one and they were still black and bruised? Anyway mom howls in pain, screaming her nipples are bleeding and is racing around the table holding her injured mammories. Since I knew there was no chance in hell that I was getting any tonight, I closed the meal with "Yes we need more togetherness with family meals."
Sigh

There is Dad's way then there is my 15yr old's way

So we got us a lab puppy and I was in the process of house training it. Procedure was to keep it in his carry and first thing in the morning I would quickly throw him out the door so he could do his # 1's and 2's. Well my son decided his strategy would be to just let the puppy out and head off to school. When I came out of the shower I was already running 10 min behind schedule only find the dog has now pissed all over the carpet and sofa, found 7 pairs of shoes, 5 socks, 4 dolls, 3 hats, 2 jackets and 1 purse to chew on and was working on pushing out a #2. Took me 30 min to get the steam vac out and cleanup the train of piss. I asked my son when he got home WTF was he thinking. His response, "puppy looked like he wanted out." Ya, to piss on my carpet.
Sigh