The real story of dropping the baby

So it was requested what the story was with dropping my now 15yr son on his head as a baby. Not sure if the wife knows about the “real” version. My son was about 5mos and cute as a button. We were getting ready to leave and I had gotten him all dressed up and in his carrier. Wife not being ready which is expected, I sat the carrier on the counter. Being the cautious dad I was, I placed him in the middle and at the far end on the counter. In my defense this was a slick ceramic tile. So as he was sucking on his thumb I noticed a fly buzzing around. Being a typical male needing something to kill I went after it with a relentless effort with my towel. There he was on the cabinet right above my son just sitting there, waiting to be taken out with my mighty towel. I gathered all my strength and delivered a all out swing of a blow. Blamm, took the fly out but my follow through sort of caught the top part of the carrier handle. Did I mention the counter top was slick, anyway the boy and his carrier took of like one of those test rocket sleds down the track. In horror I watched as he quickly cover the 4' of counter space to the 3.5' drop off. I know he might have only been 6mos old but I swore I heard his first word as he went over the edge “dad?” The next thing I heard was a horrible splat. I raced over and all I could see was the bottom of his carrier. Amazing no blood, or real incriminating bruises. Wife yelled out of the bathroom is everything alright, sure I yelled just killing flies. Years later my wife wondered why one of his front teeth seemed sort of dead. Dentist told her he must have had a fall, if only she knew but she doesn’t.

MTV can be bad for a 5yr old

My 5yr old was playing with his 5yr old cousin one day when we noticed that it was awfully quite in the other room. Upon inspection they were naked in the sleeping bag. When questioned WTF was going on. The response was "we're just playing Jessica and Nick Simpson."
Sigh
PS I thought boys waited until 13 for this kind of headaches.

I am stuck DAD

Must have been the first time my boy was around a barbwire fence or he lost too many brain cells when I dropped him as a baby, another story. I was in the farm house enjoying a quite meal when I heard yells of panicked helped. I raced outside to see my 15yr old boy stuck in the fence like peter rabbit in thy bry bush. Of course he was wearing his new $20.00 school team shirt that we just bought. I asked him why he didnt crawl over the sturdy wooden fence section. He said too much effort to walk over there and besides who knew there was a difference between a 5 strand wire and a 3 strand wire when trying to crawl through. Guess the shirt can be used as a cleaning rag now.
Sigh

Dad can't have good tools

Over the course of time most my tools had disappeared with my kids projects. Like who ever has time to return a tool back to Dad’s tool box? So I finally went out and got me a new socket set, wrench combo set that was all organized neatly in its own case. I was so excited that I had a collection of tools that I had access to that I accedently left it on the table before work. When I got home the 5 year old had open it up upside down, emptying the contents all over the floor, putting me back to square one with missing sockets. But hey at least the ones I could find are new.
Sigh

Who’s got time to flush?

I was sitting down working on the computer when I could get passed a strange rank order in the basement. When I asked my daughter if she smelled it she said, “sure its from my toilet.” I asked Why? She apparently left a load of diarrhea in it but forgot to flush. Then the toilet hose fell off and just needed to be reattached. I never knew rotting diarrhea could invoke such involuntary dry heaves but it will.
Sigh

I am not drunk!

Daughter comes home late pass the curfew. During the interview session on how she is not "drunk" she falls, slides down the stairs leaving a trail of mud behind. Punishment was losing her car for a couple of weeks but with all the things she was in guess who had to drive her around to them. Guess she learned her lesson now.
Sigh

I thought I could clear it

Boys seem to have the mentality of “Go for it.” While my son was mowing he came across the metal sprayer attachment that goes on the end of the hose. With the lawnmower cutting height set to high he figured, “surely I can clear it.” Hey at least it made a cool noise as the mower tried to mulch it. I am took it in hoping for a quick fix from the shop but I get instead the question if I wanted to be contacted if the repair was going to be high?
Sigh