Ya right Dad, it is gross

Son announces to me that his stool is plugged. Ya I will get to it later. Besides it was evening and I was tired so off to bed I went. Next morning son reports that Ashley had come home and even though he told her it was plugged, she did her business. So my scenario the next morning is plunging brown chunky soup with my faces inches from this delicacy. Several dry heaves later I am done. I ask her WTF and I thought you went off to college. Her comment “Ya it was pretty gross wasn’t it?” Sigh

What goes around comes around

I guess the old saying of what goes around comes around is true. When the kids were growing up, I would play absent minded driver. There was this stretch of road that ended with a hair pin 15mph curve. I would pretend to be distracted with the large beautiful houses on the right and not seeing the curve. The trick was to not start braking until I would hear the screams from the kids and sometimes the wife that we were going to die. Kids loved this for years. Well last week son Joe, 16, was driving that same stretch of road and hey if Dad can do it why can’t I. I was clueless to his thoughts until I noticed no braking action going on. I shot a quick glance at him only to see a smile on his face. This only increased the fear factor as I realized what trick he thought he was going to play out. Scenario is my son of 16 has 28 min of driving experience, 0 min of stunt experience, balled tires and no concept of his speed. Yes I was convinced this was not good. He over shot the turn but the anti lock brakes kicked in as the van floated to the outside of the turn. When I looked over at his face, he was white as a ghost. Must say I was really impressed with Anti-Lock Brake System. Sigh

It is not lunch but breakfast

I had made an especially good batch of beef stroganoff with steak sauteed onions and mushrooms in a red wine gravy. The left overs were going to make a great lunch, looking forward to it. When I get up in the morning a see my lunch with a fork in an empty tupperware container. I ask the wife WTF? Oh Ashley spent the night and was hungry. I don’t get it. I thought she was off to college. I see/feel her more now than when she was in High School. I really am beginning to believe those that say they change door locks when kids leave the house are serious.
Sigh

Gum and Dryer do not mix

I took pride in keeping our mega washer and dryer in tip top shape. Not sure what the thought process was but somebody threw in a wad of gum into the dryer and cranked it on high. You would think it would just be a blob, wrong. It flung and smeared the whole inside cavity of the drum. Took 90 min of scrubbing with barely legal chemicals to remove. Wife’s comment, “I thought that would be a good project for you” No, a good project would be soaking in my jacuzzi and downing a case of beer. Sigh

1 for the money 2 to get ready & 3 for the SHOW

One more reason the room should be dark for those intimate moments. Our house is setup with our bedroom and dining room connecting to the deck. One morning wife and I were having one of those moments and yes the door was locked. Apparently the shades were opened enough on the deck that the 2 dogs could see. The two were looking in but big deal, they are dogs. Wait or is that 3 dogs I see. No its 2 dogs and Gunnar. Apparently Gunnar was in the dinning room and was curious why the dogs were looking into our bed room so he joined in on the viewing. Afterwards as mom was explaining the show to Gunnar, I pretty much left when the explanation turned to trying to explain why daddy was sleeping on top of mom. And no, amazingly he never spoke of the incident again. A doctor in the family told us it’s the bodies safety mechanism to block out pyscholgical trauma. Sigh

Ashley's Luv for her roommates

I will say that daughter Ashley does entertain with her phone calls. One call that I got was garbled, something about pot, smoke and the police came. Due to the luv she has for her roommates she informed her dorm RA that there was a strange smell coming from her room. Ya like pot, call the cops. By the time cops showed up exhaust fans and steamy shower had removed the smell from the room.
Sigh

Jacuzzi, beer & a happy wife

I had been to the doctor earlier in the day with a twisted ankle. I was thinking how good it was going to feel in the next 2 hours when I was going to soak in the jacuzzi and down a case of beer. As I turned on the sink in the kitchen all I got was cold maybe room temp water. “Ashley”, damn she lives in the dorms, where did she come from? I didn’t hear the shower running. I quickly call her on her cell. “Ya dad I took a shower at your house but the water pressure was low so the shower took longer”. Ya longer until the 50gal water tank was empty. No jacuzzi, no beer, and no loose wife that night. Again I thought I had sent her off to college.
Sigh

Open the car door please

This is why I fear auto shutting car doors. Everyone was piling in but a apparently Molly decided that she was not going to let Gunnar get in on her side to cross over. So while they are having an intelligent debate on his request, unbeknownst to Gunnar Granny had started the automatic door closer. So there he is standing outside of the Van with his hand shut in the door. I don’t think he contemplated the situation fully until mom heard his faint pleas of “my hand”. Pandemonium broke out as everyone was screaming for Grandma to open the door. Grandma not understanding the random screams only froze in the act. I think at this point Gunnar realized this might not turn out good with his hand disappearing in the shut door. Finally someone got the door open. Fortunately he only wore crease marks on his hand, nothing broke. His comment was only “WHAT TOOK SO LONG!!” If this had happened to his sister Molly, we would been in ER. Sigh.

Your hair seems fuller to night

Typical 14 hour day for me at work. I took a nice hot shower and knowing that the wife had just put on clean flannel sheets decided no PJs tonigh, that’s right the buff. As I slid into bed I noticed too that the wife had taken a shower, the mood was set. Just needed to finish a thought and zzzzzz. After a brief 5 hour resting of the eyes, I started to hold my wife. Wow the hair seemed fuller and longer and darker and F____! Its my daughter. So the story goes that she had been partying and got confused so when my wife left she took her spot in bed. Lesson learned, never assume the women in your bed is the women you started off with, sigh.