Sunday, January 19, 2014

Sir I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car

As a ritual coming home from work, I would drive on the outside of the white line of the on-ramp from Kimball to Seth child road. Something I have been doing for 5 or so years. I am always careful to watch for other cars that could be cops. Would hate to be stopped and asked wtf were you doing and why. Well, it happened after 2 beers over a 3-hour period I saw the oh-so-familiar colored lights appear. Standard question of how many beers have you had and I gave the standard answer "2". Ya right, Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car. We went straight to the sobriety test. I walked the straight line perfectly from heel to toe but he stopped me and said sir I'm going to have to ask you to repeat it but slow down. Fine did it again slow. Sir, I need you to repeat and keep your hands to your side. Fine did it again. Sir, I need you to do is slow, hands to your side, and no leaning forward, heal to tow and pause on each step. Great now I am stumbling like a wino, couldn't even do 3 steps. Great, now on to the next fail. Sir, I need you to hold your foot out. Fine, did it no problem. Sir, I need you to hold it 18" off the ground and keep your back straight not leaning over. Fine did no problem. Sir, I need you to switch to your left leg and hold your right foot off the ground. I complained and said I was right-footed and that is why I balanced on the right foot and held the left up. Great now I fell over like a drunken fool. That is when he said he was going to have to take me in for drunken driving. I told him I had only 2 beers. I asked for the breath analyzer and he said whatever but gave it to me anyway. After a big breath the number on the display started to climb .... .01 .013 .... .016 ... at that point he threw me the plastic mouthpiece and said he was giving me a warning. I was about ready to ask "A warning for what?" like I needed to take an elderly balancing class but kept my mouth zipped. Sigh
 

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