Daugher, vacation = ER

My wife and I went on our vacation that we do every 10 years. Things were going well as I was smoothly talking my way to a night of romance. Romance was in the air and I don't think I was going to need the cold shower that night. Then at 6:07pm the phone rings. "Ya this is Ashley's friend and she drank so much that she is passed out in the ER and we think you should come back to pick her up."

That conversation with my wife resulted in her freaking out over the $500 ER bill and a possible dead daughter. Time to take a cold shower and head back to Kansas.
sigh, kids.

How many abulances does it take??

I was in the middle of a big fund raiser event located on main street. I had 20 customers waiting in line and I was cooking as fast as i could when the phone rang. 21yr old calls and says there has been an accident, there is police and ambulances. I said is this a joke cause I am really busy here. Luck would have it my wife was getting off work and she likes these kinds of projects.
Turns out
1. Daughter's foot slipped off and she bumps van in front.
2. No damage on bumpers but women jumps out and screams that all of her family is injured and needs ambulances.
3. With 3 cop cars and 2 ambulances taking people in for massive neck injuries, police are still trying to figure out if they are at the correct accident scene.
4. 6 mos later the letter from the attorney is warning us that his client is still determining the damages.
5. More to come on this one.

sigh

Son's new car, maybe

Son was getting his first car, a 86 rebuilt Honda civic but it about did survive.
1. On the way home in the badlands of New Mexico it his hit by a coyote that takes out the bumper and cracks the windshield.
2. While its in the body shop it misses out on the 200mph baseball size hail that does 2.8 million damage to town. Hail was so strong it was putting holes through cars and barns.
3. Month later once out of the shop a tornado misses our house by 2 miles.

Car survives and Joe has his new car and dad gets whats left of his old car back.

How to fix water damaged cell phone

21yr daughter comes in announcing that she dropped her cell phone in the snow but don't worry she knows how to dry it off. She reports that her good friend at the customer service says to put the cell phone in the dryer. As I was thinking how you would position the hair dryer to blow on the cell phone, I hear the clothes dryer door slam shut. I screamed "Nooooo" only to hear "don't worry dad, the lady says this works" The single clunking becomes multiple clunking as I screamed "STOP!!" As daughter is assembling the phone back together, I explained if she meant dryer then you need to insert the rack in the dryer and put the phone on the rack so it isn't smashed into oblivion.

Not much of a lesson learned as she got a new phone under a new contract which I found out meant I was paying more. So maybe there was a purpose in smashing the phone after all.
sigh.

New year's romance

Its new year's eve and I am ready to make something of it. Older son is spending the night at a friends, 11yr is at cousins, 21 yr daughter hopefully is not coming home to crash which only leaves the 9yr old home but sick.

Its 11:30pm and I have the basket with special towels, soap and lotions. As I am heading to the jacuzzi, I am hit with the smell of puke when I open our bedroom door. Son has crawled onto my side of the bed and has puked all over himself and my bed. Wife says " romance night is off, go wash the sheets" as she heads to the couch, leaving my standing there with my basket of romance paraphernalia thinking wtf just happened here. 90 min later bed is made, taken cold shower and to go I go bed.

Sigh, kids.

Why dad did not go to the talent show.

Apparently I volunteered to be the first to take in the stomach flu at our house. I started getting chest pains but attributed the pains to the fact I hadn't eaten in 3 days. Later that evening around 7:00pm I was resting comfortable in the recliner up at my sister's party watching the Denver playoffs. Shortly afterward it was announced that my kids and their cousins would be doing a talent show in the basement and thus the migration started to the stairs. At this point I was concentrating on the fact the tightness in my chess was making it hard to breath let alone yell out, "we have a situation here." The room cleared and I was left alone rubbing my chest. Oh well how long can a kids talent show last? ONE hour later my daughter is the first back up and starts in on the tongue lashing on how bad a father I am. Sis, who is in the medical field looks at me and ask if I am okay? No not with a 100 pounds on my chest. So with an aspirin under the tongue I am heading toward the Regional hospital to the heart unit. I still think I was hearing from the 11yr old as I was going out the door, "You are the worst dad for not coming to my show."

Get to the ER and checked in only to hear that the Regional heart unit was closed for the holidays and I would need to be off by ambulance to the next city so please no heart attacks until you are the responsibility of the next hospital. By the time I get checked in its 2:30am, I am told there will be tests will start at 4:30am so rest what you can. 2:31am, call from my concerned 19yr old, concerned that someone needs to come home now because, the 11yr is in my bed puking all over it. Great, that will be nice to come home to, dried puke in the bed.

$20,000 worth of tests later it turns out the ECG abnormality was normal and no heart attack. Since I started the flu bug, I was vote to scrape puke off when we got back.
Gotta love the family.

New way to get ice off the drive way

Typical winter in Kansas, it rained then froze ice all over the road ways. As I am coming into the house, I notice by the door my 10lb sledge hammer. Before I could ask my 18yr son if he knew why it was left out there, he reports "hey dad the sledge hammer works real good on getting the ice off the driveway." So at least I will not be wondering how tf did these chips get into my driveway last winter.