What crawled up and died

We had our NetFlix DVD for about 2 weeks because there was never time to watch but tonight was special. Joe was at a friends house and the 2 little ones were at a sleep over which just left me and the wife for self entertainment. It was 10:38pm, wife had just made a perfect bowl of popcorn. Had my coke with perfect slush ice in a frosty mug. Movie was starting and I had to make the comment to my wife, “I can’t believe Ashley hasn’t called today.” Swear to God 10 seconds later my cell phone rings. It’s Ashley and she needs a ride home. Something about she is locked out of her dorm room and her roommate wouldn’t wake up and let her in. I swear I had sent her off to College. Anyway on the ride home she start describing her dumps in the toilet being black with a smell that would peel paint off the wall. Some where while listening to this educational discussion of the gastrica workings I smell something that was dead. Cleaning up vomit had no affect on my gag reflexes but this was something of rotten dead meat. Something must have crawled up there and died. I had to finish the trip home with my head hanging out the window like a dog trying not to lose it.

I get settle back onto the couch and started the movie. 10 min into the movie I see my daughter crawling on the floor in front of the TV but she is lifting her leg for 5 sec like a male dog every 4-5 feet. I am thinking WTF then it hit me. Both me and the wife have left the house. Ashley said she had gas and that was the only way she could get rid of it. How does an evening start with no kids, coke in hand, bowl of popcorn and a DVD movie end of my daughter back home and my wife and I gasping for air outside of our house. DIDN’T I SEND HER OFF TO COLLEGE??
Sigh