Four in a Bed, no Problem

Other than almost dying from Ashley’s driving we make it to Iowa for the reunion. Wife was not going so that left Molly with the aunt and Joe, Ashley and Gunnar in one room with me. Turns out instead of 2 queens there was a pullout and one King. Everyone voted themselves to the King. Confident that my alpha male qualities would be enough to direct people to their proper beds when the time came, I didn’t give it much thought. By 9:00pm it was apparent I was in trouble. Gunnar had already crashed out in the middle of the King and Ashley was lying on the edge. Joe was just coming out of the shower, the air was tense, I could sense that people were going to realize hey there isn’t enough room for all of us in the King. I decided not to go to the bathroom and make my move instead. With the athleticism of a linebacker making a dive on the QB, I cleared Gunnar and most of Ashley, clothes on and all. Then all hell broke loose, like a mad scramble for a loose football. With me in a dominate center of the bed position Joe and Ashley quickly claimed the outer edges of the bed. Pleases, threats and logical arguments had no affect, they were there for the night. For this arrangement to work I had to sleep/lay on my side with clothes on along with my full bladder. Ashley about 20min into the ordeal launched a barrage of nasty farts not to be unchallenged with my own volley. Nobody left and now we all suffered the stench of sweat and farts. Somehow I feel asleep, I think, but at 2:10am had a strong urge for the bathroom. With everyone asleep I should be out and back undetected. I carefully slid myself up and down off the bed undetected. As I was trying to figure out how I could sleep in my 18" gap of a bed there was a sound of a shift. Bodies that were once ridged and straight retracted into a fetal position. My space disappeared, gone. I was driven off to the in-laws bed, the pullout for the rest of the night. Sigh