Encounters with the law

To understand how my life lives out in the real world I started thinking of my relationship with the law so I am recapping my encounters with the law.

1. On coming police car turns on emergency lights and starts to pull a U-turn. Dave stops to allow the turn only to be rear ended by a lady driver. Cop signals me over to the curb only to yell at me for stopping and causing an accident. I was sited for reckless driving which I won in court.

2. Driving through and intersection when oncoming driver fails to yield with her left turn. Dave avoids accident with stunt like reflexes only to be pulled over a block later. Cop tells me how dangerous the situation was and that I should pay more attention to those types of drivers. I finally had to ask why he was pulling me over and not her. Something about those kinds of drivers are past help so he thought he would warn me. I am thinking, maybe if you would do your job and pull over and ticket violators instead of me they would stop doing it.

3. Stopped at San Diego check point. “Sir should you be driving?” I answer yes why? “You don’t look very good so I am going to have to ask you to talk with our officers” I get the standard questions of who is the Prez, who won the world series and are you legally here? I look at them do I look south of the border? I am from Kansas, the land of oz. They laugh and send me on. After so many of these stops I swore one time they called me by name. I will say that when my blond wife was with me they never pulled me over.

4. Copper pulls me over. “Sir, have you done anything illegal?” I am thinking don’t say anything sarcastic since obviously he is looking for something to haul me in. After the routine questions on my involvement with drugs, burglaries, place of birth and speeding he lets me go.

5. New Mexico HiPo pulls me over. After making me sit in a hot car for 10 min. he comes over to my door. “Sir my partner and I noticed that you only have 1 screw in your license plate and in this state you need two.” I was thinking maybe they would enjoy a good come back like, "So you say to be legal you need two screws" but decided against jail time. We get out and look and sure enough one screw has fallen out. After convincing them that I was legally here, they give me a verbal warning. Damn cops, if they were going to pull me over they should have done it 15 min early when I was seeing how the car handled at 140mph. Now that would have had something to pull me over for.

6. Four lane road nobody in front and traffic 500 feet back. A car runs a yield at the on ramp. I easily make the lane change to avoid accident. Cop pulls me over. Asks for ID before going back to his car. Comes back and starts asking me the usually questions of where I was born, where I grew up and why was I out. Being in rush I finally said something stupid like “What did you pull me over for” He pauses for a moment and comes back with “Reckless driving, lane change without signaling.” True but what about the guy that nearly hit me and even so there was nobody around me. Response was a glare and a sign here sir. I went to court since there is no way a judge would side with his story. I prepared my case, studied CA road rules, had map of the incident only to see officer "give Dave a hard time" was not there. I pleaded not guilty which was accepted. As I was leaving the judge saw all my documentation which I learned later is a big no no with judges and asked if Mr. Dave would like to show us something? As tempting as it was to show the injustice I said no your honor and got the puck out of there.

7. Water pump broke stranding my car in a lane of traffic. I quickly had a flatbed tow truck at the scene pulling my car up on the truck bed when officer "give Dave a hard time" flashed his lights and had me go over to his window for a chat. As he was explaining how he could ticket me for blocking traffic and that I would need to have the car towed as soon as possible, I was thinking maybe I should tell office "give Dave a hard time" that the tow truck driver was confused since he was dropping it off vs picking it up. Realizing it was the same officer that gave me the reckless driving ticket I told him that I would will be towed. I just thanked my lucky stars that we had such a crack pot police force protecting us.

8. Call in from central security regarding an alarm at our business. I called the police officer to report the crime. Officer told me it would be a 2-3 hours response time. I complained saying our business is being burglarized. Police officer said get in line as 5 other business had called in for that area. I said WTF. They said on going gun shoot outs currently going on through out the city had most officers pinned down and rest were confronting robberies but burglaries where at the bottom of the list. With that kind of logic I must agree and agree to get the puck out of CA.

9. DUI offense where he said I failed the sobriety test and strong smell of alcohol, blew only a .01. This was documented under “Oh Please Let Me Be Drunk, Dad”

10. Heading East when a lady driving West makes a left turn in front of me. With cat like reflexes I changed lanes keeping the car in a controlled skid only to be broad sided by another lady that apparently was following the first lady that made a left. I thought this was an open and shut case on whose fault it was, wrong. Officer talks to the lady that hit me for about 20 min then comes over to me. I knew I was in trouble when he starts off with “The way I see how it happened”. Apparently the lady said that I was traveling at a high rate of speed and warped in out of no where and had lost control of my car. She was only trying to avoid the accident when she made the left turn into. As he was writing up his report I could tell my explanation was “ya what ever” as the lady standing by her crumpled car was crying and sobbing. As luck would have it which I don’t get often, a witness said he saw the whole thing and would testify what he saw. Officer quickly tore off the citation had me sign a report that closely match how I saw the assault on my car.

11. Driving down a 4 lane road in CA when I see 3 cop cars around some poor soul’s car. I look at my speed of 55mph in a 55mph zone. I stared at it for about half a mile to make sure I didn’t coast up in speed. Next thing I knew cop cars are speeding after me, all three of them. First thing they told me was that I was traveling at a high rate of speed. I learned later that this is standard practice to accuse and try to get you to admit your guilt if you were guilty. My four year old Ashley helps out the situation with “Daddy why were you speeding?” I went for it by going on the offensive with asking them could I see the radar. They said they were pacing me. I asked how that could be since I was a half a mile ahead of them they had to travel at a high rate of speed to catch me. They make me wait the usually 10 min as my plates came back clean and gave me a verbal warning for speeding. sigh

12. Wife is pulling out of a rest stop when one of the kids pops up out of seat to go get a book in the back of the van. As soon as he popped up out of his seatbelt an unmarked officer pulls wife over for child endangerment, which is a misdemeanor. So besides a large fine we now have to get a lawyer and go before a judge for 10 sec of Gunnar unbuckling his seatbelt. Had she been 8 more miles down the road she would have been out of Barney Fief’s county and in a normal county where it is a simple moving violation, mail in fine.

13. Pulled over for missing headlight story under “Oh by the way” light out on passenger side.

14. See cop car on a side street had a funny feeling with it so I zipped down the street pulling off on a side street, carefully minding my speed as I see him pull on to the main street. 40 sec later lights are flashing after me. I look down at my 20mph speed in a 20 and I am thinking what this time. Make s me wait a full 20 min before coming up to the window. "Sir I clocked you at 40mph back there" Being in a pissed off mood I countered with could I see the radar" Response was that he didn't have to. I countered with on yes he does in Kansas and I would be bringing that up in court. He went back to his car then came back to report that the radar had lost the reading but I had been speeding and was that pizza he smelled in the car. I am trying to grasp what he is saying such as if I give him a slice of pizza he goes away. He says some more stuff that I really wasn't paying attention until he gets to the part of have a nice evening.

15. I am minding my own business following a pickup truck and make a left turn as I am heading to work. Next thing a I know a Copper has lights and siren a blazing. I pull over for him to pass but damn it he stops behind me. He seems pretty pissed off as he asked if I was just trying to kill myself? I give a puzzled look of WTF. He says he could cite me for reckless driving, signaling for only 90' feet vs 100', tail gating, speeding, and driving to close to the center line. My only response was and you can do that, I am on a bicycle. He gave me the lecture and multiple warnings. He claimed to have had clocked me going close to 40mph on the bicycle. sigh

16. I am coming off of work parking lot when my rear view mirror is filled with flashing lights. I am thinking what now? Comes up to let me know that one of my brake lights is brighter on the left than on the right. I said but they are working correct. He says yes. Goes back to his car for 5min before coming back. Says my cars license plate is out of compliance because the county that it is in does not match where we are now. I am thinking ya just like the other 15,000 cars of students that have out of state tags. I explain that I register it where I live. He argues that is where you work is where it should be registered. I told him I would see him in court. He says he is just letting me know and that I need to get it fixed. I swear cops need better things to do than verify if tag is registered in correct county.

17. Going on X-mas vacation. Apparently I left one of our cars on the street while we're gone as when I got back it was gone. I call the cops but they said they knew nothing of it but before I report it stolen to call the tow companies. I asked if the city had a policy on how long you could park and they said city did have one but did not enforced it unless there was a complaint. I called the wrecker and sure enough they had it. Apparently the Kansas HiPo was cruising around city streets and saw my car on X-mas and had it towed since apparently the state has a maximum 72hr that overrides the city if the city does not have a policy. Couldn't wait until the next time they called for a donation and I could say I already gave my $72.00 to the tow truck, Merry Christmas to you too!

Note: I am of German decent, born in Iowa, raised in Kansas but in CA many cops mistook my Kansas accent as one who came from the South of the Border.